It's late, and I'm finally beginning to get tired. As always is the case with a radical time adjustment, there's a certain amount of havoc done to the emotional levels I think because chemicals and expectations get all fucked up. The way that I know things are working, though, is that I feel fundamentally good about it instead of the kind of creeping dread/general misery that I experienced with the transition to my call center job. In retrospect, Circuit City was a much better place to work even if, in the odd way that things worked out, the call center proved to be more financially supportive. So, here's the big upside: most of the things in my life were likely to end up like they are now anyhow; the relationship I was in had some flaws that became exposed, many of my friends are still going to move away, I haven't been able to find a really decent job yet, what have you. But, the tiny extra amount of money I made being miserable might just be enough to jump start my next step.
Maybe I should write my boss a thank you card? Well, let's not get carried away. When the best thing you can say about your gig is that you can use the money to fly far away, it's not a good one. ^_^;
One of the interesting things, though, is that I kind of felt like a part of me came out of hibernation yesterday. I'm just much happier then I've been any time since I started. The feeling of wellbeing might beat anything that occurred, except for some spikes, any time since before last summer. Not
that everything has suddenly become clear and right again, but more that I don't feel that being miserable is part of my life that is a 'must' anymore.
But I was looking through my stock of games, and I realized I lent an awful lot of them out to others. The ones I wanted to play, I actually never owned in the first place. I realized that games like Persona 3 were Vi's the whole time, and then I worried that maybe I should have given her first crack at borrowing the PS2 before I remembered she's actually got one of the newer, thin ones. I've still got the clunky black box from the second major release running for me. I remember getting that thing in high school, so it's certainly served me well over the years. OTOH, I'm not really one for gaming nostalgia. I want a next gen system, I just can't afford one yet. x_x
So, my plans for tomorrow involve giving everyone a round of calls to see what's up and trying to get some information out of parents and vets to wrap up this rat and resume thing. I was hoping to get the rat cage and care book from viski
today, but the poor girl is struck with strep throat, or something equally awful sounding, so even if Momma Rat has been successfully diagnosed, treatment needs to wait until I've got a cage I can separate them into. Also, neither Momma nor Baby Rat like the dry peas I got for them, so I'll never get those again. >_>
I'll probably start writing and doing game stuff again by tomorrow. It took almost no time for my desire to do that again to come back to me. I think situational depression really but the kibosh on my desire to do anything, and I feel a lot of mental energy returning, so that's good. I might, might
go to GameStop to pick up a copy of certain games if I can find them for cheap enough. I have a few I haven't played, but don't feel real up to at the moment. I'm not hard up for money, really, but I also don't want to spend frivolously because I know that there could be a situation where I'll need to apply those funds more crucially.
I know. Kind of a long post. I'm just kind of grateful to be in the head space I'm at right now then how I was just a week ago.