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Anxiety has been keeping me awake lately. I try to go to bed, and I really just can't. I'm ok as long as I'm supposed to be awake, but I can't seem to get any rest. I think I'm just really stressed with all that's going on in my life. I'm really glad I'm not working so I can readjust and take this time for myself, because going through this after I leave or while I'm working would be a nightmare.
Despite my exhaustion, and that's what it is, my schedule is much saner then before. I've been going to bed far, far, too late, but I've been getting about 6 hours, taking naps to deal with my situation, and getting up at noon isn't too bad, though about 10 AM is my target these days. But to feel relaxed, I might have to resort to falling asleep in my chair or something. >_>
Today was kind of neat. I'm trying to give stressed friends space to breathe, but I got a call from my friend Paul and we went out for coffee and Thai. Turns out that they showed up late, so only I got coffee, and we just chatted for about an hour. He was really interested in how I felt about work, which I didn't really want to rehash anymore, but he wanted to know how things had been so I went ahead. They ended up going strawberry picking, and I didn't get invited, so I went home and took a brief nap. Later on, it was dinner and then out to chat with Matt, Anthony and Brian C. about politics and light rail systems. We're all huge Obama fans, so this latest campaign fills us with a lot of optimism. The last campaign was a real blow to my sense of justice in the political system, but I'm really positive about this one.
I'm having a lot of second thoughts about the permanency of this move, though. I haven't been in a real stable, comfortable place prior, and even though I'm going, the situation isn't what I expected. I feel most confident about this when I'm around others, but when I'm by myself and it's late, I get some pretty intense second thoughts and when they hit, I'm convinced that I'm screwing myself. Rationally, though, I try to remember that if things go poorly and I can't hack it up there, I've got ways back, so I'm trying to think of it as a vacation with possible long term possibilities. In a way, though, it's just weird to find something I was so sure about not too long ago flip over on me, like a canoe in the rapids.
It's frustrating to get so neurotic! Feels just like when I was switching to nights, except my life sucks so... much... less. In fact, day to day, it's much, much better. I don't even know where to begin. It's so amazing. The switch to days is taking longer then I expected, and it's more stressful then I thought it would be (if I had gone back to days sooner, it would be a much simpler process. Initially, I'd automatically switch back because I was staying with Vi who was a calming influence and I wasn't fully acclimated, so it was easy to go to bed at midnight) but my quality of life is dramatically improved and I even feel better about myself. If it wasn't for the stress and lack of sleep, I'd almost say it was miraculous.
So, I guess the Vampire game is gonna be at the Ethical Society. I plan on being at Vampire and Mage, and going for afters, so while I'd be ok with driving, I'd also be down with carpooling. I'm not sure where Mage is going to be though, or if everyone who's going to Vampire is going to Mage too, so I'll do what it takes. I want to say bye as much as play, so I won't miss this even if I'm as exhausted then as I am now. I forgot where Mage was going to be held at, so I'll try to get that before Saturday even happens.
Props for awesome friends. I'm not so hot on the awful beer lately, though. Why does everyone insist on Miller Light? It's so bad! >.<;;
Despite my exhaustion, and that's what it is, my schedule is much saner then before. I've been going to bed far, far, too late, but I've been getting about 6 hours, taking naps to deal with my situation, and getting up at noon isn't too bad, though about 10 AM is my target these days. But to feel relaxed, I might have to resort to falling asleep in my chair or something. >_>
Today was kind of neat. I'm trying to give stressed friends space to breathe, but I got a call from my friend Paul and we went out for coffee and Thai. Turns out that they showed up late, so only I got coffee, and we just chatted for about an hour. He was really interested in how I felt about work, which I didn't really want to rehash anymore, but he wanted to know how things had been so I went ahead. They ended up going strawberry picking, and I didn't get invited, so I went home and took a brief nap. Later on, it was dinner and then out to chat with Matt, Anthony and Brian C. about politics and light rail systems. We're all huge Obama fans, so this latest campaign fills us with a lot of optimism. The last campaign was a real blow to my sense of justice in the political system, but I'm really positive about this one.
I'm having a lot of second thoughts about the permanency of this move, though. I haven't been in a real stable, comfortable place prior, and even though I'm going, the situation isn't what I expected. I feel most confident about this when I'm around others, but when I'm by myself and it's late, I get some pretty intense second thoughts and when they hit, I'm convinced that I'm screwing myself. Rationally, though, I try to remember that if things go poorly and I can't hack it up there, I've got ways back, so I'm trying to think of it as a vacation with possible long term possibilities. In a way, though, it's just weird to find something I was so sure about not too long ago flip over on me, like a canoe in the rapids.
It's frustrating to get so neurotic! Feels just like when I was switching to nights, except my life sucks so... much... less. In fact, day to day, it's much, much better. I don't even know where to begin. It's so amazing. The switch to days is taking longer then I expected, and it's more stressful then I thought it would be (if I had gone back to days sooner, it would be a much simpler process. Initially, I'd automatically switch back because I was staying with Vi who was a calming influence and I wasn't fully acclimated, so it was easy to go to bed at midnight) but my quality of life is dramatically improved and I even feel better about myself. If it wasn't for the stress and lack of sleep, I'd almost say it was miraculous.
So, I guess the Vampire game is gonna be at the Ethical Society. I plan on being at Vampire and Mage, and going for afters, so while I'd be ok with driving, I'd also be down with carpooling. I'm not sure where Mage is going to be though, or if everyone who's going to Vampire is going to Mage too, so I'll do what it takes. I want to say bye as much as play, so I won't miss this even if I'm as exhausted then as I am now. I forgot where Mage was going to be held at, so I'll try to get that before Saturday even happens.
Props for awesome friends. I'm not so hot on the awful beer lately, though. Why does everyone insist on Miller Light? It's so bad! >.<;;
