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'Tired' isn't quite the word for it. Neither, really, is 'depressed', 'sad', or even 'unhappy'. I just kind of feel like I'm waiting, and that I've given a lot of what I've had to give, and that I'm a little used up at the moment. Here I go, dutifully coming into work for the meager check they give me, and I try to stay ahead of my bills before I go. In kind of the same way, I worry a little bit that I've started to use up some of the good will others have for me 'cause I've been pretty consistently whining. So, you know, I don't feel like that anymore, but I kind of wish my responsibilities would fade away a bit so that I could spend my time with the people here that I care about and have a reasonably good time for a while.
For some time now, I've been unable to really travel anywhere or do much of anything. No new groceries, shitty coffee, no gas, worrying that checks had bounced. I'm waiting for a couple of other shoes to drop, actually, and have figured into my expenses. According to what I'm guessing, I should be able to mostly meet my goal for away funds, which I overshot on purpose, more or less. I'll probably call or e-mail friends about specific days and plans in the next day or so.
More then one person has expressed an interest in hanging out before I go. At this point, I'm not sure if I'll be able to meet with everyone or do everything I'd planned. I know for sure that some of the things I wanted to do are highly unlikely at this point, depending on the thing, for varying reasons. Driving to St Peters for anything seems really dubious right now, with gas and my car, for one example. I'll probably end up making it on principle for the Friday venue, but I'm still increasingly uncomfortable with the lone trip I'll have to make, and my biggest incentives to go are that 1) I said I would, and I hate going back on that and 2) some of the friends I want to see. It just feels like a massive undertaking at this point, which is way more then it really is. That's just how it feels.
There are easily a dozen small things I need to do before I'm ready, and a few larger things. I've been putting a lot of them off because they haven't been convenient. It's probably time to draw up a list and try to get a bead on what I want to accomplish.
For some time now, I've been unable to really travel anywhere or do much of anything. No new groceries, shitty coffee, no gas, worrying that checks had bounced. I'm waiting for a couple of other shoes to drop, actually, and have figured into my expenses. According to what I'm guessing, I should be able to mostly meet my goal for away funds, which I overshot on purpose, more or less. I'll probably call or e-mail friends about specific days and plans in the next day or so.
More then one person has expressed an interest in hanging out before I go. At this point, I'm not sure if I'll be able to meet with everyone or do everything I'd planned. I know for sure that some of the things I wanted to do are highly unlikely at this point, depending on the thing, for varying reasons. Driving to St Peters for anything seems really dubious right now, with gas and my car, for one example. I'll probably end up making it on principle for the Friday venue, but I'm still increasingly uncomfortable with the lone trip I'll have to make, and my biggest incentives to go are that 1) I said I would, and I hate going back on that and 2) some of the friends I want to see. It just feels like a massive undertaking at this point, which is way more then it really is. That's just how it feels.
There are easily a dozen small things I need to do before I'm ready, and a few larger things. I've been putting a lot of them off because they haven't been convenient. It's probably time to draw up a list and try to get a bead on what I want to accomplish.
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