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If you're in your pajamas at 11:30 in the morning and your unemployed, you feel lazy. If you're in your pajamas at 11:30 in the morning and you start work at the beginning of January, you feel like you're on vacation. Vacation on a budget, since I'm broke until my first paycheck.
Actually, things are looking a little up financially which is good because we've been stressed for quite a while. Katie's come back from New York bringing me gifts because Katie is awesome, and I've got stuff from Muji and Momofuku's food magazine and it's great. A surprising amount of stuff I adore comes right out of NYC - including Katie, now that I think about it.
Let me tell you how excited I am to go grocery shopping.
I really am, because living off of cans in the pantry is the pits. There's little less fun then looking in the cupboard and wondering if canned goods suddenly become tasty if you mix enough of them together. We inexplicably have a million of them. I've tasted how we'd live if the apocalypse hit and let me tell you that it's sustaining but awfully dull after the first few days. I'm looking in recipe books and thinking, "Hey, now that we're sure we won't starve to death, what can we eat that won't make me regret taking this soul-killing job." The future looks like bacon, everyone. Just so you know.
Ok, whatever. Anyway, because I haven't provided anything fun to read for a little while, I'll gift you with a recipe. No, it's not one of mine; I'm not that malicious. Momofuku is the series of restaurants run by David Chang, whose book I'm in love with and whose joint Katie frequented on the trip to New York.* Chang, along with staff and other chefs and food writers, release a quarterly magazine of considerable heft named "Lucky Peach", which is Momofuku in English, pretty much. I'd be perfectly happy to extol the virtues of the magazine, but in it is a recipe for surprisingly straight forward corn cookies - the sleeper hit at their dessert bar.
Here are the ingredients :
225 g (2 sticks) room-temp butter. Better butter is better, but you can get away with whatever as long as it's not salted.
300 g (1 1/2 cups) sugar
1 egg
225 g (1 1/3 cups) all purpose flour
65 g (2/3 cup) freeze dried corn powder
45 g (1/4 cup) corn flour
3 g (3/4 t) baking powder
1.5 g (1/4 t) baking soda
6 g (1 1/2 t) kosher salt
mixer w/ paddle attachment
flat pan
2 1/4 oz ice cream scoop or whatever
probably a spatula I guess, right?
oven. what are you thinking baking without an oven. You crazy.
Ok, freeze dried corn powder. I guess you can get freeze dried corn online or whole foods or whatever. Maybe your grocer carries it, but it seems a little unlikely, maybe? Anyway, I guess you need it. It's better if it's not organic, I'm told, but nobody knows why. Anyway, you gotta grind it and if you don't have a spice grinder or a food processor (I don't) you can use a blender which is just a food processor in the shape of a super heavy margarita pourer, anyhow.
The least of your problems is probably not being able to find corn flour, but in the off chance you're caught off gaurd and don't have any, sub 40 g (1/4 cup) flour and 8 g (4 t) freeze-dried corn powder.
Anyway.
Combine butter and sugar in mixer fitted with paddle attachment on med-high for 2-3 minutes. It should be fluffy and pale yellow.
Scrape down sides with spatula.
At a lower speed, add your egg. Go for 8 minutes.
Speed to low, add the dry ingredients. Shouldn't mix any longer then 60 seconds. Just until stuff comes together.
Use an ice cream scoop to portion dough onto parchment on your sheet pan about 3 inches apart. Every other instruction is metric, except this, so deal. Wrap your shit tightly in plastic wrap and totes refrigerate for an hour at the least. They need to be cold. You have a serious concentration of butter in these cookies. Seriously, do not bake this at room temperature. This instruction is in caps, so I guess they mean business. Don't disappoint at this late hour by botching your cookies.
No more then one week. That is ridiculous. What are you thinking. These cookies are taking up room where beer** could be.
Ok, it's been some time. Pre-heat your oven to 350 before you remove your cookies. Then put your cookies in the oven for 18 minutes. If they're not browned just slightly on the periphery, give 'em another minute.
Actually that's it. I mean, you need to take them out, but otherwise, you're golden. Nom your foods.
They keep for about 5 days in the air. Like, in a container. If you put them in the freezer, they're good for a month. You've ostensibly baked these for someone else, but eat them all in one depraved fit and then bake some more for your ungrateful family members.
Speaking of depraved, it's time for BONUS RECIPE eXTREMEME EDITION
Whatever. There's so much fucking butter in these cookies that you can fry them like grilled cheese. In fact, perhaps you should give it a shot. They taste like butter, sugar, and corn so when nobody's looking and you're kind of drunk on schnapps, heat up your cast iron skillet or whatever you have. You're gonna make a sandwich.
A cookie sandwich.
Ingredients :
2 corn cookies. Ok, you have to have some of these left over from the above recipe. Take them out of the family pile. They won't know if you don't tell them.
2 slices of sharp cheddar cheese. Don't wuss out; the cookies are sweet, so you need sharpness.
some ham slices. Better ham is better, but ham is ham so whatever's left from Christmas dinner that you squirreled out in your messenger bag when your family wasn't looking is fine.***
Put ham, cheese on cookies. Cookies? Flat side down - they cook better that way. They should look all dark brown and seared on the bottom before flipping. You can scarf them sooner, but they arn't as good. Wait until the cheese is all oozy and you know you're gonna have to scrape it off the skillet. And then eat it when nobody is looking.
Who are you kidding. This is so undignified, you are not going to make it when anyone is around. Just don't burn your fingers.
nom nom
*Momofuku Noodle Bar, incidently.
** Or white wine. I'm not going to get on your case.
*** I'm assuming you don't have ham of your own. It occurs to me that they sell ham. Like, at the store. This is acceptable, but food acquired surreptitiously always tastes the best. Ask anyone who steals food from the kitchen before mom's done cooking.
Actually, things are looking a little up financially which is good because we've been stressed for quite a while. Katie's come back from New York bringing me gifts because Katie is awesome, and I've got stuff from Muji and Momofuku's food magazine and it's great. A surprising amount of stuff I adore comes right out of NYC - including Katie, now that I think about it.
Let me tell you how excited I am to go grocery shopping.
I really am, because living off of cans in the pantry is the pits. There's little less fun then looking in the cupboard and wondering if canned goods suddenly become tasty if you mix enough of them together. We inexplicably have a million of them. I've tasted how we'd live if the apocalypse hit and let me tell you that it's sustaining but awfully dull after the first few days. I'm looking in recipe books and thinking, "Hey, now that we're sure we won't starve to death, what can we eat that won't make me regret taking this soul-killing job." The future looks like bacon, everyone. Just so you know.
Ok, whatever. Anyway, because I haven't provided anything fun to read for a little while, I'll gift you with a recipe. No, it's not one of mine; I'm not that malicious. Momofuku is the series of restaurants run by David Chang, whose book I'm in love with and whose joint Katie frequented on the trip to New York.* Chang, along with staff and other chefs and food writers, release a quarterly magazine of considerable heft named "Lucky Peach", which is Momofuku in English, pretty much. I'd be perfectly happy to extol the virtues of the magazine, but in it is a recipe for surprisingly straight forward corn cookies - the sleeper hit at their dessert bar.
Here are the ingredients :
225 g (2 sticks) room-temp butter. Better butter is better, but you can get away with whatever as long as it's not salted.
300 g (1 1/2 cups) sugar
1 egg
225 g (1 1/3 cups) all purpose flour
65 g (2/3 cup) freeze dried corn powder
45 g (1/4 cup) corn flour
3 g (3/4 t) baking powder
1.5 g (1/4 t) baking soda
6 g (1 1/2 t) kosher salt
mixer w/ paddle attachment
flat pan
2 1/4 oz ice cream scoop or whatever
probably a spatula I guess, right?
oven. what are you thinking baking without an oven. You crazy.
Ok, freeze dried corn powder. I guess you can get freeze dried corn online or whole foods or whatever. Maybe your grocer carries it, but it seems a little unlikely, maybe? Anyway, I guess you need it. It's better if it's not organic, I'm told, but nobody knows why. Anyway, you gotta grind it and if you don't have a spice grinder or a food processor (I don't) you can use a blender which is just a food processor in the shape of a super heavy margarita pourer, anyhow.
The least of your problems is probably not being able to find corn flour, but in the off chance you're caught off gaurd and don't have any, sub 40 g (1/4 cup) flour and 8 g (4 t) freeze-dried corn powder.
Anyway.
Combine butter and sugar in mixer fitted with paddle attachment on med-high for 2-3 minutes. It should be fluffy and pale yellow.
Scrape down sides with spatula.
At a lower speed, add your egg. Go for 8 minutes.
Speed to low, add the dry ingredients. Shouldn't mix any longer then 60 seconds. Just until stuff comes together.
Use an ice cream scoop to portion dough onto parchment on your sheet pan about 3 inches apart. Every other instruction is metric, except this, so deal. Wrap your shit tightly in plastic wrap and totes refrigerate for an hour at the least. They need to be cold. You have a serious concentration of butter in these cookies. Seriously, do not bake this at room temperature. This instruction is in caps, so I guess they mean business. Don't disappoint at this late hour by botching your cookies.
No more then one week. That is ridiculous. What are you thinking. These cookies are taking up room where beer** could be.
Ok, it's been some time. Pre-heat your oven to 350 before you remove your cookies. Then put your cookies in the oven for 18 minutes. If they're not browned just slightly on the periphery, give 'em another minute.
Actually that's it. I mean, you need to take them out, but otherwise, you're golden. Nom your foods.
They keep for about 5 days in the air. Like, in a container. If you put them in the freezer, they're good for a month. You've ostensibly baked these for someone else, but eat them all in one depraved fit and then bake some more for your ungrateful family members.
Speaking of depraved, it's time for BONUS RECIPE eXTREMEME EDITION
Whatever. There's so much fucking butter in these cookies that you can fry them like grilled cheese. In fact, perhaps you should give it a shot. They taste like butter, sugar, and corn so when nobody's looking and you're kind of drunk on schnapps, heat up your cast iron skillet or whatever you have. You're gonna make a sandwich.
A cookie sandwich.
Ingredients :
2 corn cookies. Ok, you have to have some of these left over from the above recipe. Take them out of the family pile. They won't know if you don't tell them.
2 slices of sharp cheddar cheese. Don't wuss out; the cookies are sweet, so you need sharpness.
some ham slices. Better ham is better, but ham is ham so whatever's left from Christmas dinner that you squirreled out in your messenger bag when your family wasn't looking is fine.***
Put ham, cheese on cookies. Cookies? Flat side down - they cook better that way. They should look all dark brown and seared on the bottom before flipping. You can scarf them sooner, but they arn't as good. Wait until the cheese is all oozy and you know you're gonna have to scrape it off the skillet. And then eat it when nobody is looking.
Who are you kidding. This is so undignified, you are not going to make it when anyone is around. Just don't burn your fingers.
nom nom
*Momofuku Noodle Bar, incidently.
** Or white wine. I'm not going to get on your case.
*** I'm assuming you don't have ham of your own. It occurs to me that they sell ham. Like, at the store. This is acceptable, but food acquired surreptitiously always tastes the best. Ask anyone who steals food from the kitchen before mom's done cooking.
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