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I've fallen into a patten, and as far as I can tell I've ever always fallen into a pattern so that I can break it as soon as it's firmly established. I tried to avoid that once and had it broken for me. Maybe it's most straight-forward to say that aspects of it are comfortable and others provide some unease.
I like that. I need a certain amount of tension; a pull between current slack and potential progress, like a rock on the edge of a cliff.
Well, that may not be the perfect simile.
This isn't an 'everything's great' entry. Or, 'things are stressful', even, though there's an element of stress, maybe. Here I am at the card table, looking out over the porch at the houses across the water, lit like orange Christmas lights. I think about the walk home, looking out across the bay between a high and low row of expensive houses; the higher, the more expensive. I have worn boots and a patched coat, and I think about my status in the world and where I'm going. How I would have done things differently if I could have, and how I'm doing what I can to make my aspirations come true.
These aspirations seem so humble sometimes that I'm afraid to voice them out loud, but they're no less difficult for that. I keep them bundled up next to my chest, hidden under my coat so that nobody can see.
I like that. I need a certain amount of tension; a pull between current slack and potential progress, like a rock on the edge of a cliff.
Well, that may not be the perfect simile.
This isn't an 'everything's great' entry. Or, 'things are stressful', even, though there's an element of stress, maybe. Here I am at the card table, looking out over the porch at the houses across the water, lit like orange Christmas lights. I think about the walk home, looking out across the bay between a high and low row of expensive houses; the higher, the more expensive. I have worn boots and a patched coat, and I think about my status in the world and where I'm going. How I would have done things differently if I could have, and how I'm doing what I can to make my aspirations come true.
These aspirations seem so humble sometimes that I'm afraid to voice them out loud, but they're no less difficult for that. I keep them bundled up next to my chest, hidden under my coat so that nobody can see.
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