Slow News Day.

So, yada yada, continuing to come to personal realizations, growing as a human being, et al and et cetra. There's no real market in personal growth* these days, so I'm not really going to get into it. I'm feeling pretty good, and I just made a colossal leap in my writing which means very little until I actually am writing something. I'm aware that sounds pretty absurd, but do you know that feeling when you've got a premise for, let's say a research paper, and you're tooling around, doing research, writing things out and all of a sudden you just say, 'Hey, yeah, that's it right there!'? Well, your work isn't done, but now you know it's started.

On a related note, I try not to go on about some of the weirder things I become obsessed about. Maybe I'll write something out or get fixated, and I'll just kind of let it sit for a while on a page before I delete the whole thing. My world view is a little bleak, and I've come to terms with that, so I've really not felt the need to splay it all over the internet like a teenager who just discovered Nietzsche (or Sartre, for that matter)**.

Perhaps in contrast to my opening paragraph, I continue. My writing comes off as bitter, and been described as 'pointlessly depressing', regardless of what I'm aiming for. Frankly, I don't know if that says something about me or if I'm just a one-note writer. Honestly, I don't know which one I'd prefer, if those are my options, but in the interest of not painting all of my red doors black in my writing, I've reined that tendency in, as well. But now, when I feel the most inspired by a seed I honestly feel is a good one, I'm faced with just that; a terribly bleak potential novel.

Now, on one hand, the protagonist is that guy who just discovered Nietzsche and, well, his girlfriend broke up with him, so he's been feeling pretty depressed. I suppose it was easy to get into this characters head and drive him about; I suspect it's due to him being strongly influenced by things I've personally experienced in myself and other people. Initially, I felt compelled to think derisively of him, but as time went on, he became more sympathetic then pathetic. 

I'm also reacting somewhat to the idea of a person's death surrounded by people who don't know that person. There was once someone who's death I read about in the news, and the way they were spoken of by people who never knew that person fascinated me. How cavalierly they treated that person! Of course, I have done the same in the past, I don't know that I even regret it. (shrugs)

Silent Hill 2 came in yesterday. It really is amazingly creepy. Surprising for an aging PS2 game, really a well-done development.


* That's a total lie. You can make a mint. It's just not very exciting reading.
** These guys get a bum wrap. They don't exactly need me to go to bat for them or anything, that's just how I feel.