![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm at work, and I don't really have anything better to do over my lunch break then post something and, besides, I want to go ahead and get this post out of the way for later. I don't feel like I'm missing anything real substantial by skipping ahead, anyhow.
Assassin's Creed does have a plot, you know? It's just one that's patently obvious and mediocrely executed. You play a guy who murders people constantly and that nobody likes because he's a colossal jerk, and you're directed at important targets on both sides of the Crusades. Except it's kind of a double blind, because the actual game takes place in the mysterious future, where evil scientists have kidnapped a bartender and strapped him into a machine to extract memories from his DNA without being clear as to why.
This is stupid. Not just from a science perspective, since I wanted to yell "SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!" ala Morbo. I mean that they've kidnapped an innocent guy off the street which is, I think, probably still illegal, and strapped him into a machine where he plays his ancestor; a man who, for all intents and purposes is a murderous psycopath.
I mean, I screwed up a job and probably depopulated an entire neighborhood in Jerusalem by myself. I'm a lousy assassin but it seems that I'm a terrific something.
Anyway, I don't know what they're thinking. Explaining the situation and offering to pay the protagonist a ton of money probably would have worked. If you can build a special lab building that reads magic DNA memory, you can probably afford to give this guy 100k in return for your earth-shatterin' McGuffin. Or you can simultaniously enrage him and teach him how to be the world's best secret murderer.
Your call, Doc.
The game itself is ok. It's fun. It's about 30% perching on ledges, 20% parkour, and 50% relentlessly murdering gaurds because they hate 1. parkour, 2. when you bump into them and 3. when you kill everyone they've every loved. That's about the summation. And here's my guess : you're working for the big bad guy the whole time, and turn against him in the end. I'm talking about Altair McKillguy, not Capt. Bartender le Will-inevitably-rebel-against-his-captors. Who are also probably the big bads. How poetic!
Bartender has a long name. His parents must have hated him.
For the life of me, there really isn't anywhere else to go with this. At this point, I want to wrap it up to bask in my inevitable correctness.
Edit : Yeah, the title isn't a typo. I was initially baffled that the protagonist, such as he is, can be considered the group's best grand master when I'm constantly leaving piles of highly visible corpses in my wake while wearing my assassin's uniform, practically draped in knifes. Subtle, he ain't.
Assassin's Creed does have a plot, you know? It's just one that's patently obvious and mediocrely executed. You play a guy who murders people constantly and that nobody likes because he's a colossal jerk, and you're directed at important targets on both sides of the Crusades. Except it's kind of a double blind, because the actual game takes place in the mysterious future, where evil scientists have kidnapped a bartender and strapped him into a machine to extract memories from his DNA without being clear as to why.
This is stupid. Not just from a science perspective, since I wanted to yell "SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!" ala Morbo. I mean that they've kidnapped an innocent guy off the street which is, I think, probably still illegal, and strapped him into a machine where he plays his ancestor; a man who, for all intents and purposes is a murderous psycopath.
I mean, I screwed up a job and probably depopulated an entire neighborhood in Jerusalem by myself. I'm a lousy assassin but it seems that I'm a terrific something.
Anyway, I don't know what they're thinking. Explaining the situation and offering to pay the protagonist a ton of money probably would have worked. If you can build a special lab building that reads magic DNA memory, you can probably afford to give this guy 100k in return for your earth-shatterin' McGuffin. Or you can simultaniously enrage him and teach him how to be the world's best secret murderer.
Your call, Doc.
The game itself is ok. It's fun. It's about 30% perching on ledges, 20% parkour, and 50% relentlessly murdering gaurds because they hate 1. parkour, 2. when you bump into them and 3. when you kill everyone they've every loved. That's about the summation. And here's my guess : you're working for the big bad guy the whole time, and turn against him in the end. I'm talking about Altair McKillguy, not Capt. Bartender le Will-inevitably-rebel-against-his-captors. Who are also probably the big bads. How poetic!
Bartender has a long name. His parents must have hated him.
For the life of me, there really isn't anywhere else to go with this. At this point, I want to wrap it up to bask in my inevitable correctness.
Edit : Yeah, the title isn't a typo. I was initially baffled that the protagonist, such as he is, can be considered the group's best grand master when I'm constantly leaving piles of highly visible corpses in my wake while wearing my assassin's uniform, practically draped in knifes. Subtle, he ain't.
Tags: