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I've been wanting to write here, but I was kind of hesitant to because I've just had kind of the same stuff on my mind every day, and it wouldn't make for much of an update. Lots of small, incremental progress on a lot of small, incidental things and so I just kind of figured I'd wait until I had anything at all to say. Since a few different things are coming through the pipe for me right now, I don't know exactly if you'll see an influx of new entries here or if I'll forget, but it's more likely than it was that you'll start hearing a little more of what's going on again in my life.
I mentioned a few days ago that I'd just finished archiving a lot of old journal entries dating back to 2003. It kind of blows my mind that my writing online both dates back so long, how long that actually is for me, and kind of paradoxically, how little is actually online at all. None of my high school life, for example, is anywhere online that I can find even though I vaguely recall having an online journal then. It went under, I think, and I don't even remember the name of it anymore. I bet it'd be incredibly embarrassing, anyhow. I can hardly read my early entries, these days. It's bad. They're still there, but I'm not going to link them here.
It was interesting, though, to see how my syntax has changed as I've gotten older, to see how certain aspects of my life came to fruition and how others disappeared, and even to see just how long ago a few things happened that I think of as being fairly recent aspects of my life. Memory is very fallible.
It's also very strange to realize how frustrated and anxiety-ridden I've been, as I've relived certain times of my life. When I'm reading, memories come back of different times with sudden clarity. Right now, despite what I've posted pretty recently and despite my current set of stressors, I'm probably the most clear headed and happy that I've really ever been. I've had a lot of help, and that's also meant the world to me. Anyhow, it really puts things into perspective and I hope, when I'm looking back on this entry later on, I'll get to think about how it's gotten better from here.
I mentioned a few days ago that I'd just finished archiving a lot of old journal entries dating back to 2003. It kind of blows my mind that my writing online both dates back so long, how long that actually is for me, and kind of paradoxically, how little is actually online at all. None of my high school life, for example, is anywhere online that I can find even though I vaguely recall having an online journal then. It went under, I think, and I don't even remember the name of it anymore. I bet it'd be incredibly embarrassing, anyhow. I can hardly read my early entries, these days. It's bad. They're still there, but I'm not going to link them here.
It was interesting, though, to see how my syntax has changed as I've gotten older, to see how certain aspects of my life came to fruition and how others disappeared, and even to see just how long ago a few things happened that I think of as being fairly recent aspects of my life. Memory is very fallible.
It's also very strange to realize how frustrated and anxiety-ridden I've been, as I've relived certain times of my life. When I'm reading, memories come back of different times with sudden clarity. Right now, despite what I've posted pretty recently and despite my current set of stressors, I'm probably the most clear headed and happy that I've really ever been. I've had a lot of help, and that's also meant the world to me. Anyhow, it really puts things into perspective and I hope, when I'm looking back on this entry later on, I'll get to think about how it's gotten better from here.