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Been struggling with some modest depression issues the last few days. I hate this shit, you know? It's like... there's a memory of being functional, but it's trapped behind some shitty time-release wall where the clock's obscured. Maybe you'll feel better in a day. Maybe it'll be a couple of days. Maybe it'll be a month. You wait and see because there's no choice. For me, it becomes an excercise in triage; find the shit that you absolutely have to do that day and do it, see if there's any energy left for anything else, and just kind of accept that. I worry about choking on this last bit, here - the thesis. I have to remind myself that I've gotten into school with a worse headspace than I'm packing now, and I've gotten through four semesters - two of which I've been teaching. If I struggle, there's probably a way out. So I have to trust myself.
When you're depressed, it sounds like bullshit. The only thing that helps, really, is perspective. But, you know, that does help.
I keep as busy as I can, go to sleep at reasonable hours, drink a lot of tea, water, and not too much beer. I've been cooking a lot. Cleaning. Probably gonna make lemon curd today with fresh lemons, probably gonna make cheese and potato pasteries. That's all good. The lawn's way out of control, because it's late spring and lawns do that - so we'll do that tomorrow.
This is the last day I'm accepting any late work from students - thank god. The last days have been stressful, this semester and last. The good students have gotten their shit in a long time ago, so all the positive feedback is largely done and I'm mostly dealing with emotionally manipulative pleas from students I've tried to keep on track all semester but are failing. I've gotten some surprisingly kind letters and positive feedback from students, including a handwritten letter with a comic and a student telling me he was seriously considering changing his major to English because of my class. Several told me I ended up being their favorite class, despite their dislike of writing in general. I know there's always the chance that this is outright bullshit, but my students have largely been pretty honest with me - including telling me when they thought excercises or discussions weren't helpful, boring, or irrelevant. Generally, I'm just gonna trust that they're being genuine. It's done a lot for my ego and nerves to hear nice things about my class and the work I put in.
I've got two rate my professor additions, here. The most recent seems a little self-contradictory, as it states that I grade harder than a lot of professors and provide a lot of feedback, but the class is also easy - and they received a B. So, my guess is that they're awarding all 5's on the basis of rating norms as opposed to strict evaluative purposes.
When you're depressed, it sounds like bullshit. The only thing that helps, really, is perspective. But, you know, that does help.
I keep as busy as I can, go to sleep at reasonable hours, drink a lot of tea, water, and not too much beer. I've been cooking a lot. Cleaning. Probably gonna make lemon curd today with fresh lemons, probably gonna make cheese and potato pasteries. That's all good. The lawn's way out of control, because it's late spring and lawns do that - so we'll do that tomorrow.
This is the last day I'm accepting any late work from students - thank god. The last days have been stressful, this semester and last. The good students have gotten their shit in a long time ago, so all the positive feedback is largely done and I'm mostly dealing with emotionally manipulative pleas from students I've tried to keep on track all semester but are failing. I've gotten some surprisingly kind letters and positive feedback from students, including a handwritten letter with a comic and a student telling me he was seriously considering changing his major to English because of my class. Several told me I ended up being their favorite class, despite their dislike of writing in general. I know there's always the chance that this is outright bullshit, but my students have largely been pretty honest with me - including telling me when they thought excercises or discussions weren't helpful, boring, or irrelevant. Generally, I'm just gonna trust that they're being genuine. It's done a lot for my ego and nerves to hear nice things about my class and the work I put in.
I've got two rate my professor additions, here. The most recent seems a little self-contradictory, as it states that I grade harder than a lot of professors and provide a lot of feedback, but the class is also easy - and they received a B. So, my guess is that they're awarding all 5's on the basis of rating norms as opposed to strict evaluative purposes.