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I don't usually do resolutions - they always sound like a fucking laundry list of 'wants', rather than a real set of resolutions one expects to, uh, resolve. But I actually do have things I want to resolve in this new godforsaken year, so I sat my ass down and asked myself "Self, what's important to you? What's time-fucking-sensitive that needs to happen this year? Give yourself a goddamned goal."
Okay, fair enough. Cursing doesn't actually make you more effective, but that's pretty much verbatim what I said to myself because I'd had a few drinks in me and I was trying to concentrate. Let's go over what last year actually was for me.
2012 sucked. Most of 2011 sucked. The dry spell that is my life lasted from about October of '11 to December '12. At the very end of the year, we received our first paying job for Stand Alone and we have two major meetings to sign deals for the new year. On the 30th of December, I got a call from a furniture store saying they were offering me a job in the warehouse for 9.25 an hour. These are literally the barest slivers of something to start working with, but I feel like I'm being served hope on a plate made of fucking silver. It means that in the smallest sense, something we were doing lo these many months reached someone's ears and we might be able to begin the job of turning the creaking husks of our lives around. Kay's parents are helping us with the house to such an extent that I can say 'we don't actually need to worry, as such' and I'll keep it at that.
For me, I've listed my resolutions at only three things to prevent Shopping List Syndrome. First, I want to write something every day. Journals, game notes, stories, anything at all, really. Writing and literature are my life, and writing's really my only good way of personal expression so to keep entirely quiet is to die a little.
Second, I've been working at cutting back on my drinking. This is already something I'm doing, I'm just carrying it into the new year. This might actually drive another small rift between myself and some of my friends, which I regret. I drink to fit in, and I drink because some of these events are either about drinking or are pretty dull if you're sober. But I don't really like or respect myself in those situations, so I have to do things that I'm going to enjoy or respect and hang the rest of it. For me, I know that it means I don't like or respect my peers less, but let's be honest - at 29, this behavior is really unbecoming. And besides, I've seen the growing paunch on some of my friends and that would look really unbecoming on me. So, for my health and sanity, I'm gonna keep making the wise, if somewhat boring, decision. At least I'll remember more of my evenings.*
Third, and this is one where I actually need to do something, I'm taking another shot at enrolling in a Masters program. The last time I tried was really the last time it made sense for me to try, but it fell through and I spent another series of impoverished years working call center jobs or scrounging for any work at all. I want to teach and write in a college academic setting and I want my degree. There are even a good number of universities in this area that do what I want, so I need to find out what resources I need and then acquire them. There's no reasonable way for me to hit Spring Semester, I don't think, especially since I haven't really looked into this for a while. But Fall Semester is something I think I can accomplish. This is going to mean a great change in my life and an awful lot of work, but I've got Katie's support on this and even though I've been constantly warned against it, I think it's for me. So, here's looking at 2013. I'd rather try and fail then live with regrets.
* I'm overstating the case, somewhat. And this is something I've been doing for a long time, but I need to keep actively working on it in certain social situations where overdrinking isn't just something that happens, it's something of a fucking sport. It's just a little too easy to keep drinking when someone refills your cup when you get up to use the restroom or something like that
Okay, fair enough. Cursing doesn't actually make you more effective, but that's pretty much verbatim what I said to myself because I'd had a few drinks in me and I was trying to concentrate. Let's go over what last year actually was for me.
2012 sucked. Most of 2011 sucked. The dry spell that is my life lasted from about October of '11 to December '12. At the very end of the year, we received our first paying job for Stand Alone and we have two major meetings to sign deals for the new year. On the 30th of December, I got a call from a furniture store saying they were offering me a job in the warehouse for 9.25 an hour. These are literally the barest slivers of something to start working with, but I feel like I'm being served hope on a plate made of fucking silver. It means that in the smallest sense, something we were doing lo these many months reached someone's ears and we might be able to begin the job of turning the creaking husks of our lives around. Kay's parents are helping us with the house to such an extent that I can say 'we don't actually need to worry, as such' and I'll keep it at that.
For me, I've listed my resolutions at only three things to prevent Shopping List Syndrome. First, I want to write something every day. Journals, game notes, stories, anything at all, really. Writing and literature are my life, and writing's really my only good way of personal expression so to keep entirely quiet is to die a little.
Second, I've been working at cutting back on my drinking. This is already something I'm doing, I'm just carrying it into the new year. This might actually drive another small rift between myself and some of my friends, which I regret. I drink to fit in, and I drink because some of these events are either about drinking or are pretty dull if you're sober. But I don't really like or respect myself in those situations, so I have to do things that I'm going to enjoy or respect and hang the rest of it. For me, I know that it means I don't like or respect my peers less, but let's be honest - at 29, this behavior is really unbecoming. And besides, I've seen the growing paunch on some of my friends and that would look really unbecoming on me. So, for my health and sanity, I'm gonna keep making the wise, if somewhat boring, decision. At least I'll remember more of my evenings.*
Third, and this is one where I actually need to do something, I'm taking another shot at enrolling in a Masters program. The last time I tried was really the last time it made sense for me to try, but it fell through and I spent another series of impoverished years working call center jobs or scrounging for any work at all. I want to teach and write in a college academic setting and I want my degree. There are even a good number of universities in this area that do what I want, so I need to find out what resources I need and then acquire them. There's no reasonable way for me to hit Spring Semester, I don't think, especially since I haven't really looked into this for a while. But Fall Semester is something I think I can accomplish. This is going to mean a great change in my life and an awful lot of work, but I've got Katie's support on this and even though I've been constantly warned against it, I think it's for me. So, here's looking at 2013. I'd rather try and fail then live with regrets.
* I'm overstating the case, somewhat. And this is something I've been doing for a long time, but I need to keep actively working on it in certain social situations where overdrinking isn't just something that happens, it's something of a fucking sport. It's just a little too easy to keep drinking when someone refills your cup when you get up to use the restroom or something like that
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