Debris or I Blame The Patriarchy

[atolnon]

Some misc thoughts on what's otherwise a really gorgeous day. Seriously. 

I got up way early (for me) to make sure the rats were ready to go to the vet and realized that I didn't have a travel cage for them or anything, so I just took the top off and hoped they couldn't climb out. It worked ok until Momma Rat realized she could clamber up to the top if she just gave it a good hop. So, next time they go anywhere, I need to make sure I can transport them properly. Otherwise, they behaved like a couple of model ratties. Vet bill was pretty huge though, ending up being 293.45. The examination was bad enough, but to check out the tumors on Momma Rat costs 101.10 for the first tumor and I guess an additional 78 for every tumor after? I can come up with the funds, but costs like that hurt a lot more when you expect to be out of work for a little while. Type your cut contents here.

Meanwhile, skipping the meeting put me on the Boss's 'shitlist'. I find this pretty amusing, but kind of sad. It turns out that while I've never been expected to be at a meeting before considering how they're always scheduled when I'm sleeping, this one was special somehow, and even the other midnight operator showed up, basically taking up 2/3rds of her normal sleep period. Like I mentioned earlier, though, I'm through with rescheduling everything at the drop of a hat to conform to a job that sucks anyhow. Basically, I'm pretty proud of myself. ^_^

The thing that really gets me, though, is some of the drama in my life recently. I don't normally talk about stuff like that, since it basically invites drama onto my journal; something I've been very wary about since I was in high school, but it's really more of a leadup into something that I see as a bigger problem in society in general. Besides the typical workplace shit I've come to expect, I hear a lot of secondhand stuff that seems to indicate that women in vulnerable positions tend to end up staying vulnerable because it's hard for them to find someone to trust. 

This isn't your typical 'why don't girls like nice guys' screed (which is a massive pet peeve of mine, and something I've gone out of my way to lay into people I don't even know for, which is pretty unusual for me) but rather that the people who lament about girls not liking nice guys tend to be pretty rotten individuals in the first place, and a lot of people who masquerade as friends are really just looking for something. As a guy, I think it's a lot easier for me to find real, supportive friends amoung both sexes because I don't have to be as worried that someone's trying to take advantage of my emotional state. From what I've seen, though, I think a women would be much better off to limit herself to either supportive female friends, or male friends whose intentions she knows. I've just seen too many women I've known fall into a vulnerable position and suddenly feel like they're surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves. 

This is especially touchy because just like Mr. "Why Don't Girls Like Nice Guys", Mr. "So, I Hear You're Not Dating Anyone" or Mr. "You've Had Sex In The Past, So I Assume You Put Out" don't really realize that what they're doing is disingenuous and predatory. In many ways, they're just following the social cues they're told to expect and don't see anything wrong with their actions. Being turned down makes the women the bad 'guy' in the scenerio, because she's being unreasonable, unfair, or close-minded. I feel that this is basically the patriarchy at work, a social construction designed to make women feel worse about themselves and put them in a disadvantaged situation. To society, women are prey. If you're up, it'll try to knock you down. If you're down, it'll keep kicking you. Seeing people I've known and otherwise like and respect from high school to post-college engage in this behavior is dissipointing to say the least.

Comments

[nagarerutenshi.livejournal.com]

"The people who lament about girls not liking nice guys tend to be pretty rotten individuals in the first place."

This (and everything else you wrote on the subject) is genius.
However, I have to say you got a bit too personal on it. A more scientific aaproach would have made it even better.

[writer-lynn.livejournal.com]

I happen to know a lot of women that see men as prey and then there are those women that act like men are prey and want attention from them to the point that if they don't get it are willing to do almost anything to get it. They get very physical with the men, even sleep with them or ask them to take them home and then when the men turn the tables on them and start pursuing them in the same way, the women suddenly turn in to the victims. I don't think that this is cool at all. If women act like men are prey and stalk them around pursuing them, it's okay, but if a guy does the same thing then we call it bad behavior. I think that the women can take more responsibility for their own actions.

[drbuzzkill.livejournal.com]

Well said.

[atolnon.livejournal.com]

I agree and disagree at the same time. On one hand, in the interest of being fair, I'll admit to seeing that before but have (imxp) found it to be significantly rarer if no less damaging to the male psyche. Personally, I was thinking of four, maybe five women I've known who've had problems similar to what I was talking about and I've known one guy who's had issues like so.

Depending on the groups one is in, the people one one hangs out with, or just chance, ones experiance could be totally different. I don't have numbers on it.

What I do know is that while society does have different standards for what's acceptible for men and women, and while I think everyone should be held responsible for their own behavior, I tend to see women get the worse end of the stick more often then not. I see fewer men defined by their sexuality (unless they're gay, in which case I almost always see society define them by their sexuality) then I do women.

Men are expected to try to get laid, but to be able to pick their partners but women who've slept with people in the past frequently see that used against them even in public.

[atolnon.livejournal.com]

As an aside, I think the patriarchy is a particularly toxic social construct for men as well and, while I'm talking about damage to women right now (I'd just been reading some blogs talking about the situation), I'm very familiar with how social conventions work to damage and undermine male identities. Just so everyone realizes I'm not just talking about how things are mens fault, or anything.

In all actuality, I'll probably blog about it in the fairly near future. There are a couple of issues that really irritate me that I've been considering lately. Only part of this entry really has anything to do with what I've been directly dealing with lately, and probably not in the way you'd expect.

Two Things

[sciphi.livejournal.com]

1. You write: "male friends whose intentions she knows". Hah! You're precious.

2. "dissipointing to say the least." Your spelling, Mr. English major, is disappointing, to say the least.

Re: Two Things

[atolnon.livejournal.com]

"Hah! You're precious."

I know! I totally am! I'm of the opinion that those intentions don't really matter, whatever they are. Honest lust, for example, is way better then pretending to be there for someone, but just hanging out because they always buy the beer.

In a circumstance like this, I'd like to point out that I will occasionally buy the beer.

"Your spelling, Mr. English major, is disappointing, to say the least."

Dude, it totally is. My spelling is a source of shame to me.