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I got hammered last night.
Sitting at my desk today, fighting off nausea and a sense of unease that's so consistent at to almost be a trademark I realized that I really don't like this process. Not just the hangover, which tends to skip headaches in favor of a sense of existential despair which speaks of other issues, but really, I don't even like being drunk that much. I don't really like the person I am or the decisions I make. And I do make terrible decisions with an appalling frequency. So, like I mentioned, sitting here at my desk I just thought, "I'd probably be happier if I just stopped drinking, in general."
And then I realized that's probably a really good idea.
I'm going to get a little personal here. If you're not really interested, I'm not going to take offense. I usually prefer just to talk about troublesome Exalted sessions and what video game I'm playing, and I've been content to keep it like that for a while. Anyway, I'll level. My family has some pretty intense mental health issues combined with genes that tend to point in the direction of alcoholism. When i struggled with depression even more because of my circumstances, I drank way too heavily. I tend to binge when I do drink, and I tend to drink more frequently then I should. I've worried about this tendency in the past, but haven't really done anything about it, because I didn't want to worry that it might be an issue for me.
I don't know if it is, really. I can't tell. But, you know, that's not really a great sign anyhow. And besides, I'm wicked tired of waking up and trying to remember what stupid thing I did this time. It really needs to change. So, uh, I guess I'm not going to drink anymore. It's one thing to have a drink at dinner or whatever, but honestly, I'm just going to stop in general for a while and see if my life changes. Maybe I can start making less of an embarrassment of myself.
Sitting at my desk today, fighting off nausea and a sense of unease that's so consistent at to almost be a trademark I realized that I really don't like this process. Not just the hangover, which tends to skip headaches in favor of a sense of existential despair which speaks of other issues, but really, I don't even like being drunk that much. I don't really like the person I am or the decisions I make. And I do make terrible decisions with an appalling frequency. So, like I mentioned, sitting here at my desk I just thought, "I'd probably be happier if I just stopped drinking, in general."
And then I realized that's probably a really good idea.
I'm going to get a little personal here. If you're not really interested, I'm not going to take offense. I usually prefer just to talk about troublesome Exalted sessions and what video game I'm playing, and I've been content to keep it like that for a while. Anyway, I'll level. My family has some pretty intense mental health issues combined with genes that tend to point in the direction of alcoholism. When i struggled with depression even more because of my circumstances, I drank way too heavily. I tend to binge when I do drink, and I tend to drink more frequently then I should. I've worried about this tendency in the past, but haven't really done anything about it, because I didn't want to worry that it might be an issue for me.
I don't know if it is, really. I can't tell. But, you know, that's not really a great sign anyhow. And besides, I'm wicked tired of waking up and trying to remember what stupid thing I did this time. It really needs to change. So, uh, I guess I'm not going to drink anymore. It's one thing to have a drink at dinner or whatever, but honestly, I'm just going to stop in general for a while and see if my life changes. Maybe I can start making less of an embarrassment of myself.
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offer stands, either way. Take care of yourself.